Psychodynamic Therapy in Couple Counselling

Introduction. Psychodynamic therapy in couple counselling

Psychodynamic therapy in couple counselling refers to the approach that uses psychological insights, theory, and methods based on Freudian psychoanalysis.

In psychodynamic therapies, the main goal is to help couples understand their unconscious motivations and conflicts. Childhood memories, experiences and family constellations always influence how couples relate to each other. The main therapeutic objective is to uncover the dynamics of conflicts and to identify how they impact behaviours and interactions. In particular, the psychodynamic therapist analyses the role of projections and transferences that lead up to the conflict.

Positive and negative projections

In Freudian psychology, positive projections are the projections of positive images we hold of ourselves onto others. On the other side, negative projections are projections onto others of the negative images and feelings we hold of ourselves.

Positive projections attribute one’s own positive traits, qualities, and strengths to others. For example, a person who values honesty, diligence, or success might unconsciously project their own longings for such qualities onto someone else. A “verified” projection often turns out to be from the objective truth.

Negative projections, involve attributing one’s own negative traits, insecurities, and weaknesses onto others. A person who “suppresses” his/her negative characteristics, being fully unconscious of them, tends to project them. This way the aggressive impulses, “politically incorrect” desires, and other negative traces are projected onto someone else.

Projections always have negative effects leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and to a distorted view of others. Every marriage starts with positive projections and can end because of negative ones. A person being in the grip of negative projections tends to demonize their partner, which typically ends in an unsolvable crisis.

Falling in love, the positive projection

When we fall in love with someone, we are projecting onto him/her qualities, traits or attributes we desire or wish to see in ourselves. This concept suggests that love is initially based on wrong assumptions and illusions. When in love, we idealize the other person and see in him/her as the fulfilment of our unconscious needs and desires.

Negative projections. Verifying the truth

According to Freud’s psychoanalytical theory projection is a defence mechanism that helps individuals protect themselves from their own unpleasant thoughts, feelings and impulses. Projection is a way to attribute (project) an individual’s own unconscious negative traits, desires, fears, and impulses, to others. Projection as a defence mechanism helps individuals maintain their sense of self-esteem and gives them a positive self-image.

Projections are the main root cause of human conflicts. They lead to xenophobia (demonizing the others), wars, and clashes within social groups and partnerships.

Transference in couple dynamics

The other key concept in psychodynamic therapy in couples is the idea of transference. Transference means to “transfer” someone’s positive or negative experiences onto the other. It is the transference of past experiences how we perceive and respond to our current partner. A person unconsciously repeats patterns of behaviour from the childhood in his/her current relationship.

Marital conflict. In the “crossfire” of projections and transferences

Projections have a negative impact on relationships, as individuals are unable to understand or connect with others. In marital relationships partners project their own unconscious material onto each other. Negative projections destroy relationships causing individuals to view their partner as the only source of the couple’s problems. This helps them avoid the confrontation with the content of their own unconscious “lumber room” they can’t accept. The partners misinterpret their significant other’s behaviours and intentions and respond in ways that are not based on reality.  “Bilateral” projections that take place within relationships tend to escalate. Couple counselling is often the only way to avoid fighting and separating.

“Unwinding” projections and transferences

In psychodynamic therapy in couple counselling, the therapist works collaboratively with the couple. This psychodynamic psychotherapy helps individuals uncover and understand their unconscious motivations and conflicts. The main objective in psychodynamic therapy is to understand the dynamics of the relationship mostly by uncovering partners’ projections and transferences. Developing a deeper understanding of themselves is the “golden road” to solve misunderstandings and to lift the marriage to a higher level.

Another key concept in the psychodynamic therapy in couples counselling is the importance of understanding and working through conflicts related to power and control. Such psychodynamics in the relationships are called “collusions”.

Psychodynamic therapy in couples counselling. Conclusion

Overall, the psychodynamic therapy in couple counselling provides a valuable framework for understanding and working through relationship issues. It helps to explore the unconscious motivations and conflicts that are impacting the relationship, couples gain new insights and develop new strategies for improving their relationship.

A mature and balanced partnership can be archived by loving one’s partner despite his/her imperfections. The second prerequisite is the awareness of our “shadow”, essentially understanding our own negative traces, impulses and desires.